Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i wish my penis had a tongue
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
