i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
