C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
