Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
