You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
