I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
