she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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