I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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