If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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