My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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