my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
