I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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