I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
