Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
FUCK WHALES
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
