she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
