Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
