it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
