it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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