I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
