bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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