Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
