I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sext me about skeletons
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
