I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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