Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
