drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
