Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
