a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
