hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
