She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
