we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
