OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
