Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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