Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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