Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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