walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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