So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
