can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I should be sponsored by Trojan
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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