Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
