just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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