so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
