My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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