There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
