Your tits are I can't wait for
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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