Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
