There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
