Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
