Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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