I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
