One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
