The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
