I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
