I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
