Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
