Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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