A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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